7 Signs You’re With the One You Should Marry

One sign helps you know for sure

Photo by Vitor Pinto on Unsplash

You’re dating someone special and you want to know if that person is the one.

You enjoy the time you spend with that person and you have a connection with them. You are also worried that many marriages end in divorce. You want to make sure that the person you choose to marry is the right one. You want your marriage to last.

I was once in your shoes. When I was single, I used to google all the time some version of “How to know if he’s the one?” Sometimes I googled the question when I wasn’t even dating someone. I wanted to prepare for when I was in the right relationship. I received so many different answers.

Now that I have been happily married for 10 years, I want to help you figure out if you are with the right one. I want you to weed out people you enjoy being around now; but they are not someone you should be with long-term. These are the signs that helped me marry the right person. Look for these signs.

Relationship is easy

When my husband and I were dating, we were both struck by how comfortable we were with each other. Although we just met, he was like an old friend. Our relationship was easy.

Our conversations flowed easily. We didn’t struggle to find things to talk about. We easily planned our dates and what we wanted to do together. My husband described our relationship as “natural.” I think that’s a great way to describe it.

I have experienced the opposite. I’ve dated guys where the time spent together was awkward. We struggled to hold a conversation. I didn’t feel comfortable being myself.

With my husband, I liked who I was with him and I liked him just the way he was. If you’re planning on marrying someone, you should be able to see yourself spending the rest of your life with that person if they stay exactly the same. You don’t struggle to have a good relationship.

Regular Communication

During the year that my husband and I dated, we talked almost every day, if not daily. I was sure that he liked me because we talked and saw each other regularly with no big gaps.

I have dated guys where there was a big gap in communication. I have learned that it is the first sign that the person is no longer interested in me.

When the person is really interested in you, they will communicate with you on a consistent basis. If the person cannot communicate with you, they will let you know in advance.

I used to come up with excuses for why someone stopped calling me. They must be busy or sick or someone in their family is sick. I learned they’re not that busy. They’re no longer interested in a relationship. They may call when they are bored, lonely, or want affection, but they are not interested in a serious relationship.

The way they communicate also matters. If they only text or send messages on social media without progressing quickly to a phone call, they are not interested in a serious relationship. Regular communication with my husband in person and on the phone moved us toward marriage. My text message relationships didn’t go anywhere.

No Drama

This one could have gone with the Relationship is Easy point, but I thought it should stand on its own. Our dating relationship was drama free. There was no violence, no cursing at each other, no controlling behavior. It was a relationship made up of two people who respected each other.

Yes, we did have disagreements. We just had to talk through the issues in a respectful way. If your relationship is already full of drama, then that person is probably not the one you should marry. You don’t want a marriage full of drama. There’s not a lot of changes after marriage. My husband is the same person he was before I married him.

Friends or Family Approval

The people who know you the most, know if the person you’re dating is the right one for you. I am really close to my family so they know me very well.

When I brought my husband around when we were dating, there was universal approval from everyone in my family. My grandma was one of the first ones to meet him. I brought him by her house on a Sunday afternoon. That evening she called me and said, “You hit the jackpot!”

It wasn’t the first time I brought a guy I was dating to her house. However, it was the first time she ever made a comment like that about him. She was silent about the others. Well, at least to me. I heard rumors that she talked negatively about some of the others behind my back.

The Thanksgiving the year before I met my husband, I brought the guy I was dating. I learned later that no one thought he was a good match for me. I ignored everyone’s opinion. They didn’t know him or how good our relationship was I thought. It took me 7 months before I came to my senses and realized everyone was right. We broke up and I met my husband soon after that.

If your family or friends do not approve of the person you’re dating, more times than not, they are probably right. They know you and do not have blinders on. Trust your family and friends. They know what’s good for you.

Shared Values

My husband and I are both Christians. It has made sharing a life together so much easier because we have the same values.

If you value honesty and you keep catching your significant other lying, that is probably not a right match. If you value hard work and your partner is lazy, then you might not be with the right person.

Make sure the values you live by are values your partner shares with you. It will make your union run much more smoothly.

Similar Future Goals

Sometimes when you are dating you can focus on the current good feelings and not think about the future. You have to remember that you want to find someone you can live with for the rest of your life. Your future goals have to align. Does your partner want kids? Do you? If the answer is not the same, the person is probably not the right partner.

How soon does the person want to get marry? Does it match your answer? If it doesn’t match yours, you have to rethink if the person is the right partner for you.

When my husband and I first started dating, he said he wanted to date someone for two years before he gets married. I could live with that so I kept him around. We ended up getting married after a year because we didn’t know why we were waiting.

Also, our future standard of living goals aligned. We both wanted to earn a certain amount of money to have the standard of living we envisioned. I ended up breaking up with a few guys because we didn’t have the same future goals.

One guy was encouraging me to make as much money as possible because he wanted to live off my salary. That didn’t work for me. I imagined both me and my partner working towards our financial goals together. Whatever your future goals are, make sure it aligns with your partner’s future goals.

No Doubts

As I said in the beginning, I used to google some version of “How to know if he’s the one?” The funny thing is when I met and started dating my husband, I did not have to google that anymore. I already knew that I found the right one.

Everything felt right and that he was exactly who I was meant to be with for the rest of my life. I had no doubts. This is the one sign that I knew for sure that I was marrying the right person.

If you’re having doubts and you’re not sure if you are with the right one, try to examine what is bothering you. You might be making a mistake. Some of my worst decisions happened when I had that nagging feeling that I wasn’t do the right thing and I ignored it.

Final Thoughts

Remember marriage is meant to be for the rest of your life. Don’t focus on the fact that you like being in a relationship. Think about being with that person forever. The person will most likely not change.

If thinking about forever makes you feel uneasy, you are probably not with the person you should marry. If forever makes you feel excited and alive, then you are probably with the right person. Trust your gut instinct. Deep down you know if you are with the right one.

Writes about love and self-development. Wife. Working mom of 3. deedeepatterson.com.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store